Fall is upon us. The cool weather snuck upon me overnight, catching me rather unprepared with all my autumn clothing still packed away not-so-neatly in their boxes. Maybe it's the change of the seasons, but I somehow feel like I need a change in my life as well. The way it's going now, I know that when I look back in five years I won't be able to say that I did anything. The same routine of studying, bumming around, and taking care of the banalities in life is not how I envision myself spending what's left of my youth. A change is needed; I just don't know how to get started.
My dad came into town a couple of days ago. I think my whole family is home right now, which is a rare occurrence. I miss my family, even if going home would be stressful.
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1. What is the field nearest your home like?
The field nearest my house is at the intersection between Stockbridge and a small street whose name escapes me at the moment. It's not too big, about the size of an elementary school soccer field. The fences guarding my neighbors' backyards also form one border of the rectangular clearing, while statuesque trees line the levy surrounding the other two sides -- inviting giants offering rich, lush shade or menacing wooden sentries bearing gnarled arms, depending on the season. Commonwealth is really quite beautiful like that.
2. How did you get into the professional field you’re in? If you’re not working, what field are you most likely to find yourself in some day?
Now that I am actually in medical school, I can honestly say that my application essay was pure and utter bull. To be quite blunt, I don't find biology exciting, lifelong learning sounds positively dreadful, and I'm not shameless enough to fabricate some falsely altruistic reason for my being here. It is fear of being helpless when someone I care about encounters a medical emergency, the fear of not being able to support the ones I love, the fear of fearing that brought me here. I didn't feel like living the rest of my life in terror, and Medicine is what will help me bury those fears. Well, Medicine, and $150,000 in student loans.
3. What’s the most interesting sight within your current field of vision?
I picked up this neat little bookmark from Singapore last year. It's shiny, delicately crafted, and has a convenient hole in the center so I can use it in binders as well as books.
4. Where were you the last time you fielded questions from several people in turn?
I was here at UTSW, trying to hide the fact that I had to repeat first year from complete strangers.
5. How are you feeling right now?
Stressed because this post took way too long, and I have been informed that we have 145 drugs to learn this block.
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It has been a while since I've written here. I'm a bit like the White Rabbit from Alice in Wonderland these days -- disgruntled, a bit crazy, and always late. However, I've been inspired by a few of my friends' blog posts and how they're able to grip my emotions with their eloquence. I guess the dream is that I'll get to that point one day if I continue writing, even if for just a little bit every couple of days.
I've finally made it to second year. The feeling of being abandoned and left behind still hasn't quite disappeaered completely, but I no longer feel myself sinking into that familiar pool of longing and self-pity every time I see one of my old classmates. Baby steps, right? We're currently on Core II, aptly named the "drugs and bugs" block. The sheer amount of material is overwhelming, and I'm quite certain I won't be able to pull off that miraculous A like I did for the first test. Nothing's going to stop me from trying my hardest, though. No more of my immaturity will be tolerated this year.
On a brighter note, I recently moved in to my newly renovated apartment! It's beautiful. Everything's new, and I've locked in the $725 rate for the next two years. As soon as this test is over, I'm going to finish unpacking and turn this place into my not-so-little refuge from life for the rest of medical school. I'm quite excited. This is the first nice apartment I've ever lived in, and let me tell you -- a girl could get used to this.
Anyway, I've probably already spent more time than I should have on this instead of studying. Here's to hoping our next meeting shall come sooner than later.
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