currently listening to:
23 - jimmy eat world
So I got an email from school today detailing the vaccination requirements that I need to fulfill before starting school. Apparently I'm two years overdue for a TDP (Tetanus / Diphthera / Pertussis) vaccination. No wonder I got whooping cough at the end of Freshman year haha. But better Pertussis than Tetanus, right?
I also hit up the local grocers for the first time today. The Krogers closest to me is small, expensive, and severely lacking; but they do have some cool stuff:
that, my friend, is a mini-pineapple the size of my palm and a little box of Heaven - Skittles Bubble Gum :)
However, even with the discovery of Long-lasting Skittles doesn't make up for the fact that I'm in Dallas. 269 miles, 4 hours 17 minutes, and too far away to be of any use to anyone according to Google Maps. Living in Dallas makes me feel so removed from all the people and things that I care about. Too far away to smell the aroma of food cooking on the stove, too far away to disturb the lonely quiet in her house, too far away to tightly hold an important person when he needs it the most. This is the reality that technology just cannot fix. And as though the 269 miles weren't enough, the distance seems to grow larger with each passing day.
It's funny how the closer I come to attaining my goal, the more of myself I seem to lose. I've always felt this way, like some secondary character who just fades away, pixel by pixel, until only the protagonist is left in the virtual reality of a cheesy sci-fi movie. Except unlike the poor sap, I was the one who chose to disappear. The very things that shaped me and made me who I am, I have let go one by one until only the people in my life were left. Now I've left them behind as well, and for what? Just so I can cling on to a childhood dream of saving the lives of those slipping away from me? Noble, doesn't it seem? But now that the very reasons behind my pursuit of medicine are gone, the diamond seems to have lost its shine. After all, you can't save the dead. And I'm not so self-enamored as to fool myself into thinking I'll be satisfied protecting a total stranger's happiness while watching my own slowly slip away. So, what's left?
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i want this kind of peace
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my notes from yesterday's radioactive material, fire, and environmental health trainings
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