you ever miss somebody who's sitting right next to you? miss their smile, miss their warm embrace, miss their unending concern for your well-being? well that's stupid, you might say. they're sitting right next to you. all you have to do is smile to see them smile, reach out to feel their warmth, sigh to feel their concern. but it's not that simple. because...just because. because so much time has passed. because you've become such a different person since you last saw each other. because there's the tiniest possibility that they no longer feel the way that they used to about you.
you ever realize how much easier it was to hug your parents when you were a kid? It felt so natural back then. The weeks that they've been gone doesn't matter. The last time they scolded you is ancient history. The hurt feelings they inflicted are quickly healed. One hug was enough to make up for anything. What happened since then? When did the days they're gone begin stacking up like bricks in your heart? When did the scoldings turn into slammed doors and looks of disappointment, nagging at the back of your mind? When did the hurt feelings start festering like some flesh-eating sore? And you desperately want to just reach out for that miracle drug, that one hug that will make this all go away. But you don't do it.
What made us so forgiving when we were young? And what happened to make us such ugly people in the end? Is it our pride? Our ego? Our inability to admit that, as behind the times as they are, our parents still know better than us?
What is it that keeps a warm embrace flying just out of reach? Somebody just tell me. Why?
blogging makes me kind of depressed. i think writing in general makes me depressed. and I'll just make this post private later anyway, so i dont know why i even bother.
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