i think of all these great ideas in my head. i dream out every little detail, and i even envision people's reactions when i complete the task. and yet, i never even attempt to put these ideas into motion. i always have some excuse. i'm too tired. it's too expensive. they'll think it's stupid.
i think i'm just not a do'er. i'm a watcher. i watch as people are lauded for ideas that, not to sound haughty or condescending, are so terribly flawed. then i'm content to lean back against the wall and think, "see? if you had just tried to tell them your idea, they would've thought you were brilliant. you dummy."
and not to jock benjy's style, but... why do insitutions believe that the best way to choose a candidate is through a list of accomplishments and a couple of essays? we all know that half of that list is exaggerated, and that the essays are usually highlly embellished pages of horse-poo.
mixed feelings. why do they exist? why can't we just feel one way about something, and only one way? is there really such a thing as a love-hate relationship? if you loved someone, then you can't hate them right? and if you hated them for, say hurting you, then it's no longer love, because loving them would mbe forgiving them, right? so why do we still have these mixed feelings? is it because we've felt one way for so long that we can't stand to just radically change our views?
these are things i want to talk to people about. but how are you supposed to start? "hey, how was your day? by the way, why do you think love-hate relationships exist?"
i think i've gotten to a point where i just ask a question and then i don't really listen when he answers. it's terrible, i know. but hearing his voice just makes me feel so much better, regardless of the content of his side of the conversation.
Caddy smells like leaves.
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